“…And Do You Know What His Biggest Asset Was?”

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 I work in Insurance…so yes, my job is very glamorous. So glamorous that I have a personal stylist with me at all times to ensure that when I insure…I look like Adriana Lima. No, I’m just kidding. But the fact that I’m probably one of only a handful of women in the business, I do get sometimes treated like Adriana Lima. (I’m trying to make myself feel better, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me have this one.)

I am fairly passionate about the field (as passionate as a twenty five year old woman can be, which I tell my boss translates to basically “I show up, that’s enough.”) but sometimes the meetings can be a little bland.

Today however there was an interesting twist. Someone had bumped into someone well known in the field..

Co-Worker One: I saw Mr. Million Bucks (that isn’t his real name by the way…)

Co-Worker Two: Yeah, he’s a big shot now. Not even a big shot, a big big BIG shot (not very creative I know, but give him a break he’s an insurance guy he’s not paid to be funny)

Continue reading “…And Do You Know What His Biggest Asset Was?”

My Poem Got Rejected By My Second Favorite Online Literary Magazine

 

About a month ago I was walking down a hallway at work when an idea for a poem came to mind. (The poem is called Halls, in case you were wondering…and is about hallways, but like, in a deep way). So anyway, I decided to submit it to an online literary magazine that I liked, all the while telling myself “it might not get accepted and that is okay…”

And I thought it would be okay, only this morning I got an email from them and it read “we regret to inform you…” you can guess the rest.

Now one thing you don’t know about me is that the voice in my head strongly resembles that of Tyler Perry’s Madea and I have fondly called my ghetto-licious mental alter ego, Shaniqua.

So Shaniqua’s first reaction was Is. You. For. Real? *Insert clapping and head bobbing*

Yes, sweet Shaniqua, they was for real.

Continue reading My Poem Got Rejected By My Second Favorite Online Literary Magazine

How To Survive Your First Week at Work

We’ve all been there; first day on the job. Your excited, you have butterflies and a list of things you’re going to buy with your first paycheck. As a woman who has just completed her second year at work I feel like I may have some words of wisdom that I would like to pass on to you young women.

1. The more effort you put in your appearance the first few weeks, the uglier you’ll look at the end of the year when you give up. And you will give up.
2. When (notice I said when, not if) you end up crying, make it quick and brief and preferably in the bathroom or the parking lot. If it happens in a meeting do what my friend does, prop your elbow on the table and place your chin in your hand, then use two fingers to hold up your quivering lip. It will look like you’re concentrating so hard on the meeting that tears are coming out of your eyes.
3. Don’t develop a crush on your coworker or your boss, it won’t end well. Unless he looks like James Franco in a leather jacket. It still won’t end well but I mean it would be a crime not to try.

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That Weird Chick at Work…

You know how every group has a weird chick who likes weird things, like Italian organized crime families and conspiracies theories?

Well there’s this one girl at work who’s totally into those things and more. She’s always reading up on the latest news and providing everyone with the latest MH370 update, because I mean how is a plane disappearing in 2014 NOT INTERESTING?

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Mini Book Review: The Husband’s Secret

The novel, like most marriages, started off well. I was filled with hope and anticipation as I flipped through the pages (or I should say, stroked the Kindle screen) waiting to find out what on earth her husband’s secret was (all the while thinking, honey, whatever it is, I’m sure my ex can top it). However as a I got to the middle my attention began to waver. And then it got worse.

While the style of writing was excellent (enough for me to want to imitate), I found the series of events that happened towards the second half of the book senseless and not at all realistic.

  1. As I read about Tess’s husband’s extra-marital affair I couldn’t help but think, which Disney movie is this from? As a formerly married person I say, yeah right.
  2. No, no I’m serious. Yeah, fucking, right.
  3. I found the “transaction” that was made between Cecelia’s family and Rachels’ to pay off the “debt” all too coincidental and simple, not to mention random and unfair.

In the end, I found myself emotionally drained for no good reason and with the urge to throw my Kindle across the room and roll my eyes.

The Ugly Truth About Beauty

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It was a windy night and my friend and I were wolfing down our tacos at a small local Mexican joint. It was 7pm on a weekend and so, very crowded. The restaurant, made up for four miniscule tables was overflowing; two skinny girls to our right, a group of guys on vacation from the States behind us, and inside a group of ladies so big, some were standing, seat-less.

We were in a hurry because we wanted to make it in time to a frozen yogurt place before the crowd got there forcing us to wait more than the usual thirty minutes.

“I want another taco” I said, jumping up from my seat. By the time I made it back, the warm soft tortilla held affectionately in my hand, my friend was getting up from her seat as well.

Continue reading The Ugly Truth About Beauty

That Awkward First Post

It’s always weird starting out a new blog, especially if you tend to do it three times a week (yes, I probably own 467 different domain names of blogs I wanted to start that i’ve collected this past year, like in January when I wanted to be a movie critic or in February when I wanted to start a wellness and positivity blog inspired by a cancer survivor, even though the worst thing I’ve survived was my own mood swing) 

So this is my blog, about nothing and absolutely everything possible to do with my life.