“…And Do You Know What His Biggest Asset Was?”

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 I work in Insurance…so yes, my job is very glamorous. So glamorous that I have a personal stylist with me at all times to ensure that when I insure…I look like Adriana Lima. No, I’m just kidding. But the fact that I’m probably one of only a handful of women in the business, I do get sometimes treated like Adriana Lima. (I’m trying to make myself feel better, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me have this one.)

I am fairly passionate about the field (as passionate as a twenty five year old woman can be, which I tell my boss translates to basically “I show up, that’s enough.”) but sometimes the meetings can be a little bland.

Today however there was an interesting twist. Someone had bumped into someone well known in the field..

Co-Worker One: I saw Mr. Million Bucks (that isn’t his real name by the way…)

Co-Worker Two: Yeah, he’s a big shot now. Not even a big shot, a big big BIG shot (not very creative I know, but give him a break he’s an insurance guy he’s not paid to be funny)

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My Poem Got Rejected By My Second Favorite Online Literary Magazine

 

About a month ago I was walking down a hallway at work when an idea for a poem came to mind. (The poem is called Halls, in case you were wondering…and is about hallways, but like, in a deep way). So anyway, I decided to submit it to an online literary magazine that I liked, all the while telling myself “it might not get accepted and that is okay…”

And I thought it would be okay, only this morning I got an email from them and it read “we regret to inform you…” you can guess the rest.

Now one thing you don’t know about me is that the voice in my head strongly resembles that of Tyler Perry’s Madea and I have fondly called my ghetto-licious mental alter ego, Shaniqua.

So Shaniqua’s first reaction was Is. You. For. Real? *Insert clapping and head bobbing*

Yes, sweet Shaniqua, they was for real.

Continue reading My Poem Got Rejected By My Second Favorite Online Literary Magazine

How To Survive Your First Week at Work

We’ve all been there; first day on the job. Your excited, you have butterflies and a list of things you’re going to buy with your first paycheck. As a woman who has just completed her second year at work I feel like I may have some words of wisdom that I would like to pass on to you young women.

1. The more effort you put in your appearance the first few weeks, the uglier you’ll look at the end of the year when you give up. And you will give up.
2. When (notice I said when, not if) you end up crying, make it quick and brief and preferably in the bathroom or the parking lot. If it happens in a meeting do what my friend does, prop your elbow on the table and place your chin in your hand, then use two fingers to hold up your quivering lip. It will look like you’re concentrating so hard on the meeting that tears are coming out of your eyes.
3. Don’t develop a crush on your coworker or your boss, it won’t end well. Unless he looks like James Franco in a leather jacket. It still won’t end well but I mean it would be a crime not to try.

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That Weird Chick at Work…

You know how every group has a weird chick who likes weird things, like Italian organized crime families and conspiracies theories?

Well there’s this one girl at work who’s totally into those things and more. She’s always reading up on the latest news and providing everyone with the latest MH370 update, because I mean how is a plane disappearing in 2014 NOT INTERESTING?

Continue reading That Weird Chick at Work…